What is a Zen Bride?
Early in my practice as a Premarital Counselor, I realized that I guided couples through a vast array of emotions. However, it was mostly the brides who were having a harder time dealing with them.
We live in a fast-paced world with lots of responsibilities. Work, home, relationship - and for engaged couples, wedding planning. Unfortunately, the wedding planning tends to fall on the bride. Traditional norms often place wedding planning primarily on the bride, and more often than not, the woman in a heterosexual relationship is just better at planning and organization in general. It’s not across the board, and I have seen many men who love planning and are super organized. However according to a survey with The Wedding Planning Institute, brides typically handle the majority of wedding planning (around 54%), while grooms contribute but handling less (around 25%). The remaining responsibilities are often shared with or handled by parents or wedding planners.
With more responsibility comes more stress. So with my background in yoga and meditation, I wanted to address this. Not only that I wanted to find ways to ease the stress. A friend recommended reading The Conscious Bride. While I found the book super interesting, I found the word ‘conscious’ too passive. As I deepened my yoga practice, the idea of Zen made the most sense.
What is Zen?
Zen (adjective)
1: of, relating to, or associated with Zen Buddhism
a Zen monk/priest/master
2a: suggestive of the teachings or practice of Zen Buddhism
Paddling, itself, is a Zen art: Anyone can do it, yet you can spend a lifetime perfecting it.—Jim Albrecht
b: having or showing qualities (such as meditative calmness and an attitude of acceptance) popularly associated with practitioners of Zen Buddhism
"I hate to use this word, but Owen is very 'Zen,'" said Rita Nagel, a vice president at Goldman Sachs. "When some traders start losing money they get nervous. Owen stays very relaxed."
If it’s not clear, I don’t hate the word, in fact, I embrace it. Sure the references to Buddhism may not be the most approachable, however the meditative calmness sure is. And as a bride going through a potentially stressful time in your relationship and life, I say BE LIKE OWEN. Be relaxed. Be Zen!
Zen vs. Calm
Zen is a school of Mahayana Buddhism that emphasizes meditation, intuition, and direct experience over doctrinal knowledge. It focuses on achieving enlightenment through mindfulness and disciplined practice, often expressed through meditation (zazen). Originating in China as Chan Buddhism and later developing in Japan as Zen, it seeks to cultivate a state of inner peace and insight beyond conventional thinking.
Yes, yes I know we’re starting to get unapproachable again. So as I wrote more about being a Zen Bride, I started switching out Zen for Calm. I mean we know what calm is. However when we are trying to get someone to be calm, we usually say calm DOWN. That seems a little more negative than BE Zen. It’s semantics, I know, but I preferred the imagery of being. So I decided to double down and embrace Zen.
So, what is a Zen Bride?
Being a zen bride means approaching the entire wedding planning process and the wedding day itself with a sense of calmness, mindfulness, and wholehearted presence. It involves consciously prioritizing emotional balance and mental well-being above the pursuit of perfection or the pressure of external expectations. You may need to read that last part again.
A Zen Bride focuses on what truly matters. Celebrating love, connection, and the beginning of a beautiful new chapter in life, without becoming overwhelmed by stress, anxiety, or the urge to control every detail. This mindful mindset encourages setting realistic priorities. Embracing flexibility when plans inevitably change, and consistently practicing self-care amid the often hectic and busy schedules that come with wedding preparations.
Do you want to be the type of bride that intentionally cultivates a peaceful atmosphere? Can you surround yourself with supportive, understanding people and create regular moments of stillness? Are you able to engage in meditation, or deep breathing exercises.? Can you find time for quiet reflection to maintain clarity and inner calm?
Ultimately, being a Zen Bride means fostering deep gratitude and genuine joy in the present moment, learning to let go of rigid control, and embracing the wedding journey with ease, authenticity, and a compassionate heart.
Are you are your partner struggling with these issues as you plan your wedding? Did any of these sentiments resonate with you? Have you found anything to ease the stress? The comment section is always open to share or question.
Need more guidance here? I’m happy to help!