Marriage 101 - Let’s Talk Taboo!
As a premarital counselor, I talk about all of the potentially challenging topics. I call these The Big Issues. Some couples need to talk through all of them, some only a few. While I’m really good at leading the difficult conversations, my genius only goes so far. So that’s when I turn to my referral partners. And yes, it’s usually the taboo topics of Money and Sex!
So when I created Ever After Academy and started putting together Wedding 101 Panels, it made the most sense to expand to marriages, as well. And that meant tackling the taboo topics head on. I decided to gather a Sex Therapist, Financial Advisor and Matrimonial Attorney to offer advice and provide tips to allow couples to dig deeper into these topics. And so the Marriage 101 was born!
I love that there’s a structure to be able to talk about these challenging topics. However, it got me thinking about why it’s so difficult to have open conversations around finances and intimacy.
Why are Sex and Money Difficult to Discuss?
Discussions of sex and money are considered taboo for several reasons rooted in cultural, social, and psychological factors. Both topics touch on deeply personal and intimate areas of life, often linked to individual identity, privacy, and social norms.
Cultural Norms and Socialization: Many cultures have historically treated sex and money as private matters. Talking openly about sex can challenge modesty norms or invoke feelings of shame due to moral or religious beliefs. Similarly, money is often tied to personal success and social status. This makes it a sensitive subject that can provoke envy or judgment.
Privacy and Lack of Education: Conversations about sex and money expose aspects of one’s private life, which people may want to keep well, private. Discussing sex involves intimate details that many prefer not to share. Also, sex education is not widely accepted or practiced. So, people are afraid to share what they DON’T know. Similarly, discussions around money can reveal financial struggles or differences in socioeconomic status. Many people are not taught about money. So this can lead to further discomfort.
Power Dynamics and Control: Both sex and money can be linked to power and control. Talking about them openly may disrupt established social balances. For instance, revealing sexual preferences or financial worth can lead to feelings of vulnerability. These shifts in perceived authority may create unease especially as a couple is building their lives together.
Fear of Judgment or Rejection: People often avoid these topics to prevent negative judgments. Sex can be stigmatized depending on one’s experiences or beliefs. Similarly, money can be associated with success or failure. Both of these influence how others (especially a partner) perceive an individual.
Overall, the taboo nature of discussions about sex and money arises from the intersection of personal privacy, societal expectations, emotional vulnerability, and cultural conditioning. These topics challenge conventional boundaries, making many people reluctant to address them openly. But as we all know, these discussions need to happen. So how do we open the door and make it easier?
So, how should we go about discussing these taboo topics?
When discussing sex and money before marriage, honesty and openness are key. These conversations can set the foundation for a strong, trusting relationship.
Discussing sex and money before marriage is crucial for building a strong, transparent foundation in a relationship. These topics often carry significant emotional and practical weight, influencing long-term compatibility and mutual satisfaction.
Sex: Open conversations about sexual expectations, boundaries, and preferences help partners understand each other’s needs and avoid misunderstandings. Addressing topics such as sexual frequency, sexual health, and consent ensures a respectful and fulfilling relationship. It also fosters trust and emotional closeness, which are essential for marital success.
Money: Financial compatibility is often cited as a major factor in satisfaction and longevity in the marriage. Talking about money includes discussing spending habits, debt, savings goals, financial roles, and values related to finances. Transparency in money matters prevents conflicts, aligns goals, and enables joint planning for the future, including budgeting, investing, and handling emergencies.
By addressing sex and money openly before marriage, couples set clear expectations, reduce uncertainty, and promote honesty. This leads to a healthier partnership built on mutual respect and understanding.
What questions do you have around these taboo topics? What stops you from discussing them with your partner? The comment section is always open to ask and share!